WEBVTT 00:01.170 --> 00:07.230 Men, this morning I'm preaching on the subject of varieties of love, or different kinds of love. 00:07.450 --> 00:10.250 You see, all love is not the same love. 00:10.430 --> 00:15.970 There's the kind of love that's romantic love, and then there's love within a family. 00:16.530 --> 00:18.430 There's love that we have for our friends. 00:18.850 --> 00:22.050 And the Bible actually tells us what the greatest love is right here. 00:22.450 --> 00:24.530 Beginning in verse number 12, the Bible reads, 00:24.530 --> 00:32.270 This is my commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you, greater love hath no man 00:32.270 --> 00:37.370 than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. 00:37.630 --> 00:42.330 And so actually, looking at this verse, the ultimate love, according to the Bible, 00:42.890 --> 00:45.110 is the love that's found within friendship. 00:45.590 --> 00:51.530 Greater love hath no man than this, than that a man lay down his life for his friends. 00:51.530 --> 00:55.690 Now, if you would turn in your Bible to Song of Solomon, chapter 5, 00:55.770 --> 00:59.610 so this is in the Old Testament, right in the middle of the Bible you find Psalms, 00:59.930 --> 01:03.830 Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, right before Isaiah there. 01:05.330 --> 01:09.050 But David, when he's talking about his best friend, Jonathan, 01:09.650 --> 01:13.070 he actually makes an interesting statement in 2 Samuel 1.26. 01:13.230 --> 01:15.790 He says, I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan, 01:15.790 --> 01:23.770 very pleasant hath thou been unto me, thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. 01:24.150 --> 01:29.170 And so for David personally, the greatest love that he experienced in his life 01:29.170 --> 01:31.690 was the love between he and his friend Jonathan. 01:32.150 --> 01:35.150 You know, not necessarily the love that he had with his wife, or in his case, 01:35.730 --> 01:40.350 wives. And that's part of the problem with David, is that he had multiple wives. 01:40.770 --> 01:43.630 And having multiple wives has never been God's plan. 01:43.630 --> 01:48.290 God from the beginning made them male and female, one man, one woman, 01:48.610 --> 01:52.530 and he said, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, 01:52.910 --> 01:58.790 and they too shall be one flesh. And so that's God's original plan. 01:59.110 --> 02:02.030 Throughout the Bible, there will be men who have multiple wives, 02:02.290 --> 02:08.150 and it's always a bad situation. And of course, you see that David's original wife, 02:08.150 --> 02:14.130 Mikal, ends up becoming bitter and jealous and resentful, and they end up having a really 02:14.130 --> 02:18.810 bad relationship. And David as the king, he adds these other wives. So, you know, 02:18.850 --> 02:23.570 he doesn't really end up having some kind of a great, wonderful, fulfilling, 02:23.910 --> 02:26.970 emotionally fulfilling relationship with his wife. He ends up, you know, 02:27.050 --> 02:30.850 finding the greatest love in his life just with a friend. 02:31.130 --> 02:35.630 Now it's a different kind of love that obviously friends have versus romantic love, 02:35.630 --> 02:40.870 just like there's the love that a father has for a son, or a son has for his father, 02:41.170 --> 02:44.510 or a brother has for a brother, or the love that sisters have. 02:44.850 --> 02:49.350 There are these different kinds of love. The Bible says that the ultimate love is the love of 02:49.350 --> 02:56.730 friendship, but this does not mean that our husband or wife could not be the greatest love 02:56.730 --> 03:02.190 in our life. Because look what the Bible says in Song of Solomon, chapter 5, verse 15. 03:02.190 --> 03:06.510 This is, of course, the woman speaking about her husband, and she says, 03:06.730 --> 03:13.530 his legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold. His countenance is as Lebanon, 03:13.870 --> 03:20.930 excellent as the cedars. Verse 16, his mouth is most sweet, yea, he is altogether lovely. Now, 03:20.950 --> 03:26.630 this all sounds very romantic, right? There's definitely a huge element of romantic love 03:26.630 --> 03:33.370 throughout the book of Song of Solomon, but then it says, this is my beloved, and this is my what? 03:33.750 --> 03:42.630 This is my friend, oh, ye daughters of Jerusalem. And so you see that we should cultivate all types 03:42.630 --> 03:48.350 of love within our marriage, because if you stop and think about it, your spouse is, yes, 03:48.670 --> 03:53.430 someone that you're romantically involved with, hopefully, good night. You should have romantic 03:53.430 --> 04:01.370 love for your wife as a man, for your husband as a woman. But also, in a sense, your wife is family, 04:01.950 --> 04:09.310 right? You're related now. I mean, Adam said of Eve, this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my 04:09.310 --> 04:13.710 flesh. And the picture there is that when you marry someone, they become a part of the family. 04:14.110 --> 04:19.870 Now you're family. And then also, of course, the Bible says here that her beloved, her spouse, 04:19.870 --> 04:26.650 her husband is also her friend. So all of these types of love could and should exist within marriage. 04:26.830 --> 04:31.850 You should try to cultivate all of these types of love. Now, why is this important? Because of the 04:31.850 --> 04:38.030 fact that people who just rely on romance only, this isn't necessarily going to take them through 04:38.030 --> 04:43.510 the decades of marriage and through the decades of life, because romance is going to have its 04:43.510 --> 04:49.070 ups and downs. It's not always going to be just this fiery romantic love. I mean, 04:49.070 --> 04:53.830 it sounds great, but it's just not realistic. There are going to be seasons in your marriage 04:53.830 --> 04:59.710 that are like that and seasons that are a little colder, a little bit of a dry spell. And you know 04:59.710 --> 05:04.290 what? That's where the friendship needs to kick in. That's where the family type love needs to 05:04.290 --> 05:08.610 kick in. That's where the loyalty kicks in and so on. And so for those of us that have 05:08.610 --> 05:13.130 been married for a long time, we know this. Anybody who denies this is just lying to 05:13.130 --> 05:19.690 themselves or lying to other people. Okay? Life is not a Hollywood rom-com. Life is not a pop song 05:19.690 --> 05:25.850 on the radio. You know, there are realities that we have to deal with in life. And so when it comes 05:25.850 --> 05:31.950 to romantic love being the only driving force, here's what I've observed. People who have no 05:31.950 --> 05:39.150 loyalty to their spouse, people who do not take that vow seriously, typically romance will keep 05:39.150 --> 05:44.430 them going for approximately two years. And so these Hollywood types that just have no commitment, 05:45.250 --> 05:49.490 no belief in the sanctity of marriage, that's what you'll constantly see. These two-year 05:49.490 --> 05:54.870 relationships, these two-year marriages, because that's how much you can keep that engine running on 05:54.870 --> 06:00.850 just pure romance alone is pretty much just two years. Well, I don't want to be married 06:00.850 --> 06:05.050 for two years. You know, I've already been married for 26 years. I want to be married for 06:05.050 --> 06:11.570 26 more and then another 26 after that, right? And just keep going because it's till death do us part. 06:13.590 --> 06:20.910 And so friendship is the ultimate form of love and it's going to last longer than romance alone 06:20.910 --> 06:24.870 is going to last. Now, if you would turn to Ecclesiastes chapter 4, you're already in Song of 06:24.870 --> 06:30.310 Solomon. Just back up one book to Ecclesiastes chapter 4. I'm going to read for you some 06:30.310 --> 06:36.230 other verses about the love that friends have for each other. It says in Proverbs 17-17, 06:36.770 --> 06:43.970 a friend loveth at all times. You see how this is a more consistent form of love in a sense? 06:44.450 --> 06:53.330 A friend loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity. The Bible says in Proverbs 18-24, 06:53.330 --> 07:01.250 a man that hath friends must show himself friendly and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a 07:01.250 --> 07:06.630 brother. A friend that sticks closer than a brother. Sometimes friends in our life are going to end up 07:06.630 --> 07:12.470 being more important to us than people that we're biologically related to. A friend will often 07:12.470 --> 07:18.530 stick closer than a brother. And if we're going to be in marriage for the long haul, we should 07:18.530 --> 07:23.790 develop all of these types of loves within marriage. Look at Ecclesiastes chapter 4 verse 9. 07:23.970 --> 07:29.170 It says two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, 07:29.330 --> 07:35.910 the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he hath not 07:35.910 --> 07:41.410 another to help him up. And this is the reality of life, is you really want somebody 07:41.930 --> 07:46.230 as a spouse that's going to be with you through thick and thin. That's going to be with 07:46.230 --> 07:49.890 you through the hard time. And those are the kind of friends that you want to have, not these fair 07:49.890 --> 07:54.630 weather friends that are here today, gone tomorrow. They want to hang out with you because you're 07:54.630 --> 07:59.290 fun. And as soon as you stop being fun, they're out the door, you know, those kind of relationships 07:59.290 --> 08:05.090 are shallow. And when we're growing up, we have a lot of quote unquote friends like that where 08:05.090 --> 08:10.390 it's just like, hey, we both like the same music or hey, we both play the same sport. 08:10.570 --> 08:14.330 We're kind of interested in the same things. And you have these kind of just shallow 08:14.330 --> 08:19.790 friendships where, oh, we just like to hang out, we just have fun together, we get along together. 08:20.070 --> 08:25.110 But you know, what's a lot more meaningful is friendships that are based upon loyalty, 08:25.550 --> 08:31.030 where you're going to be there through thick and thin, not just when the romance is over, 08:31.310 --> 08:36.010 when the fun is over, when the excitement's over, you just move on, right? That's a different 08:36.010 --> 08:42.530 kind of love. It's a different kind of relationship. So according to Ecclesiastes 08:42.530 --> 08:47.030 here, you know, you want to have people that can pick you up when you fall down and help you out 08:47.030 --> 08:53.470 when you need help. Look at verse 11. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat. But how can 08:53.470 --> 09:00.010 one be warm alone? And you know, whenever I read this verse, I always think of a time that I was 09:00.010 --> 09:05.390 out in the desert on a dirt bike riding trip with my dad. And we were out riding motorcycles 09:05.390 --> 09:11.470 in the Nevada desert. And it got so freezing cold tonight. And you know, my family was never 09:11.470 --> 09:16.210 a super affectionate family. We're not really like a really physical affectionate type family. 09:16.630 --> 09:21.170 But man, did me and my dad hug each other that night, you know, because we're just trying to survive. 09:21.610 --> 09:25.970 And it was freezing. And we were in a camper shell and we had this little propane heater. 09:26.310 --> 09:31.030 And even with the heater on all our water bottles that were where we slept, they all froze solid. 09:31.350 --> 09:36.070 So that's how cold it was inside the camper. And I'm just like, wow, Dad, you really love me 09:36.070 --> 09:40.250 because we're just we're hugging each other, just trying to stay warm, just trying to stay 09:40.250 --> 09:45.470 alive. You know, and I always think of that when I read this verse. And that's a phenomenon 09:45.990 --> 09:52.710 that two people can stay warm and can actually get through a situation like that better than one. 09:52.790 --> 09:56.730 And that's a symbol or a picture of the fact that going through life alone 09:57.250 --> 10:01.850 is going to be a lot harder than going through life with somebody that's there to help you. 10:02.390 --> 10:06.730 And also, if you think of heat, you know, it says, how can one be warm alone? 10:06.730 --> 10:12.090 You could also think of the spiritual fire, the spiritual fervor. I mean, think about if you don't 10:12.090 --> 10:17.870 have a church that's firing you up, if you don't have a church that's got the red hot preaching 10:17.870 --> 10:22.010 and that's red hot for soul winning, it's going to be hard for you to be warm alone. 10:22.530 --> 10:26.950 And there are people out there who motivate themselves to go soul winning and they motivate 10:26.950 --> 10:31.230 themselves. They're living in some country where there are barely any evangelical Christians 10:31.230 --> 10:34.390 and they have to go out and push themselves and go soul winning 10:34.390 --> 10:40.310 and keep themselves motivated. But man, it's a lot easier when you just show up at church Sunday 10:40.310 --> 10:45.870 morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and it's just surrounded by motivation. There's so much 10:45.870 --> 10:52.590 heat, you don't have to be warm alone. And so multiple people can generate more heat than 10:52.590 --> 10:57.470 just the sum of their parts. It actually multiplies. And then look at verse 12, it says, 10:57.990 --> 11:02.670 and if one prevailed against him, two shall withstand him. If somebody attacks you, 11:02.670 --> 11:07.570 you want there to be two of you rather than one. And in fact, just having two people makes you far 11:07.570 --> 11:12.210 less likely to be attacked in the first place. You know, whenever my wife is going to go somewhere 11:12.210 --> 11:17.630 at night or something or if my daughter is going to go, you know, I always send someone with them 11:17.630 --> 11:22.190 so that they're not alone. And so as my wife would laugh at like, what is this 10 year old 11:22.190 --> 11:27.110 boy really going to protect me? Or is this eight year old boy? But the thing is, bad guys 11:27.110 --> 11:31.730 are far more likely to attack people that are alone. Even having a 10 year old with you, 11:31.730 --> 11:36.290 probably just makes you less of a target than just being by yourself, just going through life by 11:36.290 --> 11:42.050 yourself. Hey, it's not good for the man to be alone. We all need friends. We all need companions. 11:42.550 --> 11:48.050 We all need somebody to go through life with. Ideally, you're going to get married and have 11:48.050 --> 11:51.950 your spouse as your primary companion in life. And then you're going to have other friends 11:51.950 --> 12:00.470 and people as well. But even if you're single, even if you have no spouse, you know, 12:00.470 --> 12:04.610 you need some friends in your life, you need some Christian fellowship, you need some brethren 12:04.610 --> 12:09.930 in your life to help keep you going and to keep you fired up for the cause of Christ as well. 12:11.230 --> 12:14.790 And so he says here, if one prevailed against them, two shall with Sanim, 12:15.050 --> 12:22.650 and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Right. And so obviously you could make a rope 12:22.650 --> 12:29.990 or a cable or a cord that's just a single strand. But if you braided together three 12:29.990 --> 12:36.370 smaller cords, it's actually going to form a stronger rope. A threefold cord is not quickly 12:36.370 --> 12:41.870 broken, which is why typically ropes are braided together, because you get more strength and 12:41.870 --> 12:45.630 more power that way. And that's what the Bible's saying. And so if we think about the different 12:45.630 --> 12:52.050 kinds of love, here's a threefold cord. How about romantic love, family type love, 12:52.510 --> 12:56.430 and friendship type love? You know, and I think in our marriage, we'd want to have all three 12:56.430 --> 13:02.190 of these so that our marriage isn't quickly broken, so that that relationship doesn't quickly come 13:02.190 --> 13:07.510 to an end. Now go if you would to 2 Timothy chapter number one. Here's another great passage on friendship. 13:08.250 --> 13:12.030 2 Timothy chapter number one, because what are we talking about this morning? We're talking 13:12.030 --> 13:19.130 about the fact there are different kinds of love. And there's a romantic love. That's fun. 13:19.490 --> 13:26.190 It's exciting. It's usually because something's a little bit fresh or new. It's something that 13:26.190 --> 13:33.690 kind of springs up at times and is burning super hot at times. And then at other times, 13:34.010 --> 13:39.650 it's not necessarily going to be there. It's not just going to be white, hot all day, every day 13:39.650 --> 13:45.570 for decades. That's just stupid. It just doesn't happen. So it's going to be at times, though, 13:45.630 --> 13:52.470 that it's the most intense of all loves, but it's not necessarily going to be as consistent. 13:52.470 --> 13:59.770 Whereas the love that you have for friends is not necessarily the super white, hot burning passion 13:59.770 --> 14:07.910 of romantic love. It's a mellower flame, but at least it's more consistent. It's more long term. 14:08.330 --> 14:13.210 It's more reliable, right? And so you want to have both in a marriage because you don't want 14:13.210 --> 14:18.750 to just only rely on the roller coaster of romantic love. You want to also have that 14:19.710 --> 14:24.330 consistent slow burn of friendship. And then when you think about the love that we have for family, 14:24.450 --> 14:28.730 what is the love that we have for family based on? Well, a lot of the love that we have for family 14:28.730 --> 14:35.210 is based upon shared experiences and shared origin and shared background. I mean, I don't know about 14:35.210 --> 14:40.030 you, but when I get together with family, there's a lot of talk about the past, right? Because 14:40.030 --> 14:45.670 it's like we've all kind of come from the same place and we've all experienced the same things 14:45.670 --> 14:50.430 and we've all gone through the same things together. And so there's kind of a special bond 14:50.430 --> 14:54.110 that we have with family members because of our shared experiences. You say, well, 14:54.170 --> 14:57.970 I thought it was just all about biology. Well, here's the thing about biology is that, 14:58.030 --> 15:02.110 you know, it's not as strong as the shared experiences are in my opinion, because think 15:02.110 --> 15:08.530 about it. If you have even, you know, adopted children or step children, step 15:08.530 --> 15:12.810 brother, adopted brother, you know, people that enter the family by marriage, 15:13.290 --> 15:19.090 you could still end up having just as strong of feelings about those people. It's not like, oh, 15:19.150 --> 15:23.610 well, this is my half sibling. It's not my full sibling. But if the shared experiences are there, 15:23.890 --> 15:30.490 that's really what I think creates that strong bond, not necessarily just DNA or biology that 15:30.490 --> 15:35.170 creates that bond. But here's the thing about marriage is that marriage can incorporate 15:35.170 --> 15:38.850 this as well. Because if you stay married for decades, you have the shared experiences. 15:39.370 --> 15:43.370 You have those reminiscences. You have those things that you've gone through together 15:43.370 --> 15:48.690 that you just don't have with other people, right? And you could sit there and have a bad 15:48.690 --> 15:52.610 attitude about your spouse and be down on your marriage and have a bad attitude about, 15:52.770 --> 15:56.050 and just think, oh, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. I'm going to go 15:56.050 --> 15:59.230 trade up for someone else. But there's things starting over with someone else. You don't 15:59.230 --> 16:03.870 have those same shared experiences. You don't have that history that you've built over the 16:03.870 --> 16:11.070 course of decades with a stranger. You just don't. And so it's important in marriage to 16:11.070 --> 16:15.050 cultivate all these different types of love. But according to the Bible, the greatest love 16:15.050 --> 16:20.750 is the love of friendship. Because greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down 16:20.750 --> 16:26.190 his life for his friends. And obviously we should lay down our lives for our spouse. 16:26.370 --> 16:30.570 That's what the Bible teaches as well. And again, even if you're not married, 16:30.570 --> 16:35.230 you can still learn from the sermon. Because again, you need people in your life, 16:35.330 --> 16:38.870 even if you're not married, even if you're single, you need people in your life, 16:39.190 --> 16:44.630 you need friendship, you need family, you need those bonds in your life. So look down if you 16:44.630 --> 16:48.550 would at 2 Timothy 1. This is a great passage on friendship. It says, 16:48.690 --> 16:53.230 this thou knowest, that all they which earn Asia be turned away from me, 16:53.670 --> 16:58.050 of whom are phygellus and homogenes. And of course, mind-blowing that a great 16:58.050 --> 17:03.810 man of God like the apostle Paul could just be totally forsaken by all of these people 17:03.810 --> 17:07.450 that he had reached with the gospel. I mean, he planted all these churches, 17:07.870 --> 17:12.090 done all this great work, and he just says, all they which are in Asia have forsaken me. 17:12.470 --> 17:17.170 Elsewhere he said it, my first answer, no man stood with me but all men forsook me. 17:17.810 --> 17:23.850 So we shouldn't be surprised if people bail out on us and if friends in our life are 17:23.850 --> 17:31.710 inconsistent, disloyal, as though some strange thing happened to us when people forsake us, 17:32.070 --> 17:36.290 bail out on us and are disloyal. Well, the apostle Paul had the exact same thing happen. 17:36.910 --> 17:41.870 All they which are in Asia be turned away from me, of whom are phygellus and homogenes. 17:42.150 --> 17:45.850 But then he gives a positive example in verse 16. He says, the Lord give mercy under the 17:45.850 --> 17:51.950 house of Onesiferus, for he oft refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chain, 17:51.950 --> 17:57.950 but when he was in Rome he sought me out very diligently and found me, the Lord grant unto him 17:57.950 --> 18:02.630 that he may find mercy of the Lord in that day. And in how many things he ministered to me at 18:02.630 --> 18:08.050 Ephesus, thou knowest very well. So I want to point out to you just four things real quick about 18:08.050 --> 18:14.370 this friendship that Onesimus had with the apostle Paul. Why was Onesimus such a great friend? 18:14.710 --> 18:19.170 Well, first it says he oft refreshed me. Now, what does it mean to refresh someone? 18:19.170 --> 18:24.670 Another way of saying this would be he oft cheered me up, right? So you're kind of down, 18:25.010 --> 18:30.150 you're gloomy, you're in a bad mood, you're not feeling that great, and someone refreshes you, 18:30.610 --> 18:37.530 they freshen you up, they are basically cheering you up. And the verse that popped into my mind 18:37.530 --> 18:41.930 when I thought about being cheered up was in Deuteronomy 24, verse 5. And you don't have 18:41.930 --> 18:47.450 to turn there, but it says, when a man had taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, 18:47.450 --> 18:53.150 neither shall he be charged with any business, but he shall be free at home one year and shall 18:53.150 --> 18:58.390 cheer up his wife, which he hath taken, right? Because, you know, obviously getting married 18:58.390 --> 19:04.430 is kind of an adjustment. And especially if the girl is coming from living with her parents and 19:04.430 --> 19:08.470 being with her family, and then going to live with her husband, it could be a difficult adjustment 19:08.470 --> 19:14.010 at first. And so he's there to cheer her up. This is part of what friends do is they 19:14.010 --> 19:19.410 refresh one another, they cheer one another up. And I can't even count on many times, 19:19.730 --> 19:25.690 I've been in a bad mood, upset, bothered by something, depressed, and then I show up at church, 19:26.170 --> 19:29.850 get around some friends, get around some of my brothers and sisters in Christ, 19:30.190 --> 19:34.110 and they refreshed me. And they cheer me up, and then I'm in a better mood, right? 19:34.490 --> 19:40.490 And obviously we should be, as good friends, we should be refreshing to the people around us. 19:40.490 --> 19:45.390 We shouldn't be dragging people down and be a burden. You know, we should be refreshing. 19:46.170 --> 19:51.190 We should be cheering up our spouse, cheering up our friends, cheering up our family members, 19:51.370 --> 19:57.030 and be a pleasant, positive influence on them. So first of all, we see that Onet, 19:58.090 --> 20:04.430 Onet, yeah, Onesophorus, Onesiphorus, there we go. Onesiphorus was a great friend because he 20:04.430 --> 20:09.470 refreshed the Apostle Paul. And then look at the next thing in verse 16, it says, 20:09.870 --> 20:14.530 he was not ashamed of my chain. So not only was he just a pleasant person, 20:15.170 --> 20:20.770 but also he's there when you need him. He's not ashamed of the chain. He's not like, 20:21.030 --> 20:25.890 oh well, I'm not going to be friends with you anymore because now you're hurting my reputation 20:26.570 --> 20:31.330 and, you know, you're going to make me lose some social status. I'm not going to be as cool. 20:31.330 --> 20:36.110 I'm going to be hated or persecuted for being friends with you because if everybody's turning on the 20:36.110 --> 20:42.530 Apostle Paul, then obviously those who stay loyal to him, it's a chain there that people could be 20:42.530 --> 20:47.930 ashamed of, like, oh, I don't want to be, you know, getting the flack that the Apostle Paul's 20:47.930 --> 20:53.090 getting. So I'm just going to bail. But no, Onesiphorus wasn't like that. He was not ashamed 20:53.090 --> 20:57.870 of the chain, right? And so a good friend, yeah, they refresh you, they cheer you up, 20:57.870 --> 21:01.650 they put you in a good mood. But number two, when things go badly for you, 21:01.850 --> 21:06.530 they're not just going to drop you like a bad habit, even though you didn't do anything wrong. 21:06.670 --> 21:11.090 The Apostle Paul's not the bad guy here. But just because you're unpopular, they're just like, 21:11.250 --> 21:16.710 oh, let's see, do I want to be your friend? Can you help me benefit me? You know, that's the 21:16.710 --> 21:22.870 wrong kind of friendship. We want friends that are not ashamed of the chain. But then in 21:22.870 --> 21:28.650 verse 17, we see that thirdly, when he was in Rome, he sought me out very diligently. The third 21:28.650 --> 21:34.750 thing we see about this friend is that he's putting effort and time and energy into the friendship. 21:35.990 --> 21:40.110 Right? So number one, he's refreshing. Number two, he's not ashamed of the chain. He's not a fair 21:40.110 --> 21:45.910 weather friend. And number three, he actually cares enough to put some effort, time and energy 21:45.910 --> 21:51.630 into the relationship because he sought him out very diligently. It wasn't easy to find the 21:51.630 --> 21:55.990 Apostle Paul. He couldn't just go on the internet and do a quick search. You know, this is a time 21:55.990 --> 22:01.210 when it's a little harder to communicate. And when he was in Rome, he went out of his way, 22:01.710 --> 22:07.250 searching and searching, trying to find a prisoner, the Apostle Paul, so that he could go 22:07.250 --> 22:11.230 visit him in prison. It wasn't easy, but he got it done. And then look at verse 18, 22:11.750 --> 22:17.310 the Lord granted to him that he may find mercy of the Lord in that day. And in how many 22:17.310 --> 22:21.590 things he ministered unto me at Ephesus, they'll know it's very well. What does it mean to minister? 22:21.790 --> 22:27.430 It means to serve or to help. So what does a good friend do? You know, he refreshes. 22:27.930 --> 22:32.810 He's not ashamed of the chain. He seeks you out diligently, meaning that he puts some effort 22:32.810 --> 22:38.450 into the relationship. And then he provides service. You know, he helps out when you 22:38.450 --> 22:42.330 need help and does stuff for you. And you know, have you ever noticed that there are those 22:42.330 --> 22:48.370 friends that basically put zero effort into the friendship and all the efforts coming from your 22:48.370 --> 22:54.150 end? You know, you're the one that's always initiating every phone call, every text message. 22:54.310 --> 22:59.790 If you get together and do stuff, it's always planned by you. You know, this guy, he'll seek 22:59.790 --> 23:05.570 you out and he's actually putting some energy into the relationship. It's not just a one-way 23:05.570 --> 23:11.490 street with Onosiphrus. And so we can learn a lot about friendship from Onosiphrus. And then 23:11.490 --> 23:18.330 we could take and even apply that to marriage and say, okay, you know, am I refreshing to my spouse? 23:18.990 --> 23:26.150 Am I one who is ashamed of my spouse? Or am I actually, you know, proud of my spouse and not 23:26.150 --> 23:31.530 ashamed of the chain, whatever the chain is, or, you know, maybe your spouse doesn't have a chain, 23:31.790 --> 23:37.290 but most of them do, you know, most of us do, I should say. I mean, I can't think of any 23:37.290 --> 23:42.930 possible detriment to being married to me, but, you know, there could be some negatives there. 23:43.070 --> 23:47.570 I don't know. Can't think of any, but I'm sure if I thought hard, I could come up with it. 23:47.970 --> 23:51.930 You know, and then also seeking out those, how about putting in effort? You know, 23:51.990 --> 23:56.130 some people, they don't put any effort into their marriage. You know, what's really sad 23:56.130 --> 24:00.290 is when you can tell that someone got divorced because all of a sudden they're just like 24:00.290 --> 24:05.130 taking care of themselves? It's pretty sad. I mean, I was literally at the dentist 24:05.130 --> 24:09.290 and the dentist was trying to straighten my teeth because I've had crooked teeth for a really long 24:09.290 --> 24:13.950 time and I'm just going to go to the grave with crooked teeth. But anyway, you know, the dentist 24:13.950 --> 24:17.950 is trying to tell me about Invisalign and all these things. And I just said, well, I don't 24:17.950 --> 24:21.470 want to get Invisalign because I don't want people to think I got divorced, you know, 24:21.510 --> 24:27.170 because when a guy in his 40s gets braces, it pretty much means he got divorced, 24:28.190 --> 24:32.470 you know, in general. And I apologize if you're here in your 40s with braces. I'm not 24:32.470 --> 24:35.810 trying to offend you. An exception proves the rule. I'm sure you're happily married. 24:36.250 --> 24:42.370 But, you know, it's pretty sad when people all of a sudden they get divorced and now all of a 24:42.370 --> 24:46.530 sudden they're hitting the gym. All of a sudden they're caring about how they look, 24:46.810 --> 24:51.110 caring about their appearance, you know, straightening their teeth, doing all these 24:51.110 --> 24:55.390 different things. It's like, you know, maybe if you would have put this kind 24:55.390 --> 25:00.110 of effort into your marriage, you'd still be married. Instead of just letting it all go 25:00.110 --> 25:04.030 and just taking for granted, like, oh, well, they're stuck with me anyway. 25:04.310 --> 25:08.750 So I'm just going to become all dirty and smelly and gross and just not care, 25:09.150 --> 25:15.770 not take care of myself. Just be a slob, you know, put some effort into being a good spouse 25:15.770 --> 25:19.230 while you're married and then stop and think about it. You know, dating is hard work. 25:19.690 --> 25:23.910 I guarantee you these people, they get divorced and then they have to go court some new person. 25:24.190 --> 25:29.030 They're going to have to basically go out on all these dates and do all this planning 25:29.590 --> 25:34.830 and be romantic and spend money and spend time. You know, why don't you just do all that 25:34.830 --> 25:40.810 with the person that you're actually married to, put all that effort in, spend all that money, 25:41.030 --> 25:45.490 time, energy, then you won't even end up getting divorced and needing to do it a second time. 25:47.330 --> 25:53.910 And so when we see ministered, obviously, yeah, you know, we as husbands and wives, 25:53.910 --> 25:58.130 we help each other out or at least we should, trying to make each other's lives easier, 25:58.730 --> 26:03.710 serving each other in different ways. Obviously, the husbands are predominantly bringing home 26:03.710 --> 26:09.230 the bacon and the wives are predominantly keeping the house. But we kind of just do little things 26:09.230 --> 26:14.450 for each other as well, just in order to show love for one another. And this brings me to 26:14.450 --> 26:18.050 the second part of my sermon because the first part of the sermon is, I'm just talking about 26:18.050 --> 26:22.950 different kinds of love, right? There's romantic love, friendship love, there's family love. 26:22.950 --> 26:29.070 The greatest of these is friendship. But that doesn't mean that your marriage can't be the most 26:29.070 --> 26:34.250 important or best relationship in your life just because David failed at that. We could still have 26:34.250 --> 26:38.230 our marriage be our greatest relationship, but we're going to have to develop that friend kind 26:38.230 --> 26:43.530 of love, that onusipherous kind of love. And we got to make sure that she's our sister and 26:43.530 --> 26:52.390 spouse and friend as Song of Solomon describes, not just only relying on the fiery, white, 26:52.390 --> 26:57.570 hot romantic love. Obviously, you want that to be there. That's fun. That's the icing on the cake. 26:57.830 --> 27:03.330 But if that's the only basis for the relationship, then it's going to be a real roller coaster ride, 27:03.450 --> 27:08.150 isn't it? But secondly, I want to talk about different ways of showing love. So there's a 27:08.150 --> 27:13.410 there's a variety of categories of love or types of love. But then there's also a variety of 27:13.410 --> 27:18.650 ways that love is shown. Now, of course, there's a really famous book on this 27:18.650 --> 27:24.410 long time ago written called the Five Love Languages. Who has read this book on the Five Love 27:24.410 --> 27:29.070 Languages program? Here's the thing, like I personally, I didn't think the book was very good. 27:29.350 --> 27:33.130 I didn't like the book very much, but I love the concept of the book. I think that the concept 27:33.130 --> 27:38.550 that the book is teaching is a great concept. And the idea behind the book is basically 27:38.550 --> 27:44.390 that different people show love in different ways, and that different people receive love 27:44.390 --> 27:48.550 in different ways. And so a lot of times one person really loves the other person, 27:48.710 --> 27:52.790 and the message isn't getting through. And then that person feels unloved, 27:52.990 --> 27:58.710 and then it leads to problems and it escalates into marriage problems and maybe even divorce. 27:59.430 --> 28:02.270 Some of the things I didn't really care for about the book is that the book 28:02.270 --> 28:06.930 basically is a Christian book and it's claiming to be teaching Christian principles, 28:07.250 --> 28:11.490 but it never one time even brings up the fact that the husband's the boss 28:12.150 --> 28:15.610 and that the wife is supposed to submit to her husband. That just doesn't exist in this book 28:15.610 --> 28:19.070 for some reason. And then the other thing I didn't particularly care for is that the whole book 28:19.070 --> 28:23.610 feels like kind of an infomercial. Like, hey, you just do this and it's going to fix everything 28:23.610 --> 28:27.250 and just everything's perfect. And then the third thing I didn't particularly care for is it 28:27.250 --> 28:32.110 doesn't, it doesn't really seem to factor children into the equation, which let's face it, 28:32.270 --> 28:35.910 all of our marriages would be awesome without children. You know what I mean? Like, 28:35.910 --> 28:42.330 obviously, like children are causing a lot of marriage problems. You know, like, 28:42.370 --> 28:46.450 like basically if you don't have any children in your marriage, you're playing marriage on easy 28:46.450 --> 28:52.470 mode. Okay. When you start having children, you're, now you're playing on most difficult. 28:52.910 --> 28:57.690 Okay. Because it's, it's when babies are waking up in the middle of the night and 28:57.690 --> 29:03.110 everybody's stressed out and everybody's pushed to their limits that, yeah, it's going to get 29:03.110 --> 29:08.190 a lot harder to get along with your spouse than when you're just these two little urbanites with 29:08.190 --> 29:14.410 your lattes, downtown apartment or whatever. It's just like, what? Like that's not life. 29:15.210 --> 29:21.050 Now here's the thing. Obviously, children can also enhance the marriage and actually bring you 29:21.050 --> 29:26.730 closer together and obviously keep you together and keep you on the same page in a lot of 29:26.730 --> 29:32.730 ways. So there, there are obviously joys and pleasures and good things about having kids, 29:32.790 --> 29:37.070 but there's also a lot of challenge. I mean, what does the Bible say? In sorrow, 29:37.350 --> 29:43.010 shout out, bring forth children, you know, and your husband will rule over you. Neither of 29:43.010 --> 29:48.290 those two concepts make it into the book. Okay. I can kind of see why, but Genesis, 29:48.570 --> 29:53.730 Genesis three 16 isn't really on the table of this book. But again, I'm not, I'm not 29:53.730 --> 29:58.350 trashing the book. I just don't think that, you know, it's my favorite book at all, 29:58.510 --> 30:03.370 but I will say this, the concept behind the book is a great concept and it's something 30:03.370 --> 30:07.930 that we should think about. And so he lists these five different love languages. So I was 30:07.930 --> 30:13.970 thinking about finding these in the Bible, you know, so the first one is words of affirmation. 30:14.270 --> 30:21.590 Okay. And you know, the Bible says this in Proverbs 16, 24, pleasant words are as a honeycomb 30:22.190 --> 30:28.950 sweet to the soul and health to the bones. So, you know, pleasant words, the Bible says, you know, 30:29.010 --> 30:35.050 can be super refreshing and healthful and health giving. And so yeah, words of affirmation, this 30:35.050 --> 30:39.050 is a lot of people's love language. They just want to be told. I love you. They want to be told 30:39.050 --> 30:45.010 how great they are. They want to be verbally expressive about their love and they want to 30:45.010 --> 30:49.270 hear that. And you know, out of all five of these, this is probably, I think my wife's 30:49.270 --> 30:55.470 biggest love language as far as what she likes to receive. She likes the verbal praise from me. Okay. 30:55.730 --> 31:01.690 But then secondly is acts of service. And this is probably the one that my wife typically dishes 31:01.690 --> 31:07.870 out the most and there's no pun intended there at all, but she definitely dishes out because she 31:07.870 --> 31:13.970 cooks a lot of phenomenal meals. But you know, what does the Bible say? First, John 318, 31:13.970 --> 31:20.910 my little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue, but in deed and in truth. So 31:21.490 --> 31:27.230 love isn't just expressed by saying something. It's also expressed in deed and in truth by 31:27.230 --> 31:34.270 doing works, acts of service. And remember, Onesiferous loved his friend, the apostle Paul, 31:34.570 --> 31:41.370 and so Onesiferous ministered unto the apostle Paul. He did acts of service. He helped him out. 31:41.910 --> 31:48.110 He didn't just talk about it. So words of affirmation, that's one way. And then acts of service is 31:48.110 --> 31:52.670 another way. Another way is gift giving. And you know, this makes me think of, of course, 31:52.810 --> 31:56.230 the most famous verse in the whole Bible, For God so loved the world that he gave. 31:57.430 --> 32:02.830 So love is expressed by giving. For God so loved the world that he gave is only begotten Son, 32:03.430 --> 32:06.630 that whosoever believed in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 32:07.190 --> 32:11.710 Other verses on this in Proverbs, it says in chapter 17 verse 8, 32:11.950 --> 32:16.970 A gift is as a precious stone in the eyes of him that hath it, with the soever it turneth 32:16.970 --> 32:23.210 it prospereth. Proverbs 21 14, how about this one? A gift in secret pacifyeth anger. 32:24.130 --> 32:29.230 You know, so this can kind of maybe put an end to anger, bitterness, resentment, 32:29.630 --> 32:33.970 you know, not that that would ever happen in a marriage, but you know, a gift in secret 32:34.830 --> 32:41.310 pacifyeth anger, and a reward in the bosom strong wrath. And so sometimes we can show love 32:41.310 --> 32:46.570 by giving a gift. So there's words of affirmation, there's acts of service, there's gift giving. 32:46.990 --> 32:52.550 And then how about this quality time? That's the fourth one, quality time. This is probably 32:52.550 --> 32:59.630 the one that I care about the most within marriage is like the one that I want to 32:59.630 --> 33:06.290 receive is quality time. Okay. And again, this kind of makes me think of Deuteronomy 24-5 about how 33:06.290 --> 33:10.790 the guy is supposed to put other things on the back burner for the first year of his marriage 33:10.790 --> 33:16.030 so that he can cheer up his wife. Sounds to me like quality time if he's not going to go off 33:16.030 --> 33:20.350 and do these other endeavors for the first year so that he could focus on cheering up his wife. 33:20.750 --> 33:26.830 And then fifth of all is physical touch. And the book makes it clear that when it talks 33:26.830 --> 33:31.730 about physical touch as a love language, this is not talking about the marriage bed because obviously 33:31.730 --> 33:37.250 everybody's into that. That's not the point. The point is more like other kinds of physical touch, 33:37.270 --> 33:42.630 just like a little squeeze of the hand, you know, a little rub of the back, a little hug, 33:42.850 --> 33:48.390 a little kiss on the forehead, kiss on the cheek, that kind of stuff, you know, physical touch 33:48.390 --> 33:53.570 is the fifth one. And of course, the Bible talks a lot about this kind of affection in 33:53.570 --> 33:58.590 Song of Solomon. There's a lot of romantic love, but it talks about, you know, let him kiss me with 33:58.590 --> 34:03.070 the kisses of his mouth for thy love is better than wine. His left hand should be under my head and 34:03.070 --> 34:09.290 his right hand to embrace me, etc. So, you know, love within marriage needs to last a lifetime. 34:09.630 --> 34:13.430 Go, if you would, to Proverbs chapter five. Proverbs chapter five, you want to cultivate 34:13.430 --> 34:19.910 all three types of love, romantic, family, and friendship. And you also want to express 34:19.910 --> 34:25.750 and receive that love in as many ways possible, you know. And so, obviously, yeah, you kind of 34:25.750 --> 34:31.390 learn about your spouse, what they respond to, and you want to speak their language, because 34:31.390 --> 34:35.790 otherwise maybe you're just doing acts of service all day long. And you're like, I don't know why 34:35.790 --> 34:41.050 my wife doesn't feel loved when I'm just fixing all this stuff around the house. I changed all 34:41.050 --> 34:47.210 the sheets, I fixed the yard, you know, and she just doesn't feel it. Whereas some people 34:47.210 --> 34:51.050 would feel that. Some people are like, man, I wish my husband would love me like that, 34:51.150 --> 34:56.090 because I got a pretty long honey-do list that needs to be fixed, you know. But then it's like 34:56.090 --> 35:01.690 other people are saying all these things and just whoop, goes right over their head. 35:02.010 --> 35:08.110 So, we want to make sure that number one, we're expressing love in as many ways possible 35:08.650 --> 35:12.750 to not just our spouse, but even to our friends. Because, again, even though the 35:12.750 --> 35:16.170 sermon is a little bit focused on marriage, you could take everything I'm saying, 35:16.170 --> 35:22.690 and you could apply this to family and friends as well. Because, again, physical touch, 35:23.030 --> 35:29.670 there are going to be a lot of people that really just want a handshake, a hug, a slap on the back, 35:29.830 --> 35:35.810 and those kind of things. It makes them feel good. It has nothing to do with anything amorous 35:35.810 --> 35:41.790 or erotic. It's just kind of a friendly, kind of a hug, slap on the back, whatever. 35:42.470 --> 35:48.470 And then, obviously gift-giving, friends do this all the time, quality time, 35:49.130 --> 35:53.990 and words of affirmation, saying nice things to people, being verbally encouraging, 35:54.810 --> 35:59.510 go down the list, acts of service. This is really just for all relationships, if you think about 35:59.510 --> 36:06.030 it. Whether it's friends, family, or your spouse, either way, it's going to be the same 36:06.030 --> 36:11.350 type of thing. So, you want to be able to dish out a lot of different varieties of love to 36:11.350 --> 36:14.510 show the people that you care about, that you love them and make them feel loved. 36:14.830 --> 36:19.190 You want to be able to dish this out and also get to know what people are more interested in, 36:19.290 --> 36:24.790 what people respond to, so that you can speak their language, as it were. But then also, 36:25.850 --> 36:31.950 what you need to do is to stop, and I think this is one of the most important things about 36:31.950 --> 36:36.130 this concept, is that you need to start being able to recognize, you need to become 36:36.130 --> 36:43.170 someone who's fluent in all of these languages, so that you're not like, oh, my husband doesn't love 36:43.170 --> 36:48.990 me, oh, my wife doesn't love me, because you're just not seeing it. You need to start looking 36:48.990 --> 36:53.770 and saying, wait a minute, okay, yeah, maybe I'm just dying for those words of affirmation, 36:54.050 --> 36:59.290 and I'm not getting them, but hey, she did give me this gift, she did do these acts of service, 36:59.770 --> 37:03.770 you know, she did come up and squeeze my hand or whatever, you know, and you got to start 37:03.770 --> 37:08.550 recognizing that, and you know what, the people that really don't recognize the love that's coming 37:09.110 --> 37:14.050 from someone is children often don't see the loving things that their parents do for them, 37:14.490 --> 37:20.950 because, and I remember when I was growing up, you know, sometimes I felt more loved than others 37:20.950 --> 37:25.370 growing up, you know, as a kid, and I grew up in a great home, I grew up in a Christian home, 37:25.490 --> 37:30.410 my parents are great parents, and you know, growing up, I didn't necessarily recognize 37:30.410 --> 37:36.770 all the signs of how much my parents loved me and how much they were doing for me until later, 37:37.150 --> 37:42.210 because it's like you get to be an adult and you start paying your own bills and start doing things, 37:42.410 --> 37:47.050 and you get into your 30s and 40s, and you start thinking about the fact, wow, my parents 37:47.050 --> 37:54.110 were paying several hundred dollars a month to send us to Christian school, they're 37:54.110 --> 37:59.550 sending us these expensive private schools, why did they do that? And it costs a fortune, 37:59.550 --> 38:04.970 you know, and it's like, and we're talking, they're spending hundreds of dollars in the 80s 38:04.970 --> 38:10.870 and 90s, okay, this would be today like spending, you know, over a thousand dollars a month, 38:11.050 --> 38:17.350 1500 dollars a month, it'd be crazy, and you stop and think about that, and then to grow up 38:17.350 --> 38:21.910 in a home like that, and be like, oh, my parents didn't love me, and you know what, 38:22.210 --> 38:27.330 that's what kids do, and you'll even have people in their 30s, 40s and 50s who still 38:27.330 --> 38:33.090 don't get it, you'll have 50-year-old men like, oh, I just didn't feel loved by my dad, it's like, 38:33.170 --> 38:38.570 bro, look at the check he's writing every month to the Christian school, like he's putting all this 38:38.570 --> 38:43.910 effort, he's driving you all over town, he's spending all this money, and all of that, 38:43.990 --> 38:48.310 look at the great gifts that we got, oh, but yeah, but he just didn't hug me enough, 38:48.490 --> 38:54.530 or tell me he loved me enough, you know what, not everybody is gonna be super cuddly, 38:54.530 --> 38:59.190 huggy, touchy-feely, that's just not how people are, and instead of just saying, oh, 38:59.270 --> 39:03.210 my mom doesn't love me, oh, my dad just loved me, I'm gonna go out and just, you know, 39:04.170 --> 39:09.850 tattoo myself, and pierce myself, and mutilate myself, just to show them I'm gonna get blue, 39:09.930 --> 39:14.990 spiky hair, and just because mama didn't love, and get a tattoo that says mama don't love me, 39:15.350 --> 39:21.170 or whatever, right? Yeah, that's a real, I've seen that tattoo, mama didn't love me, 39:21.170 --> 39:26.690 that's a real, that's a real one, but the point is, you know, instead of just saying like, oh, 39:26.730 --> 39:30.790 my parents don't love me, oh, my husband doesn't love me, oh, my wife doesn't love me, you know, 39:30.830 --> 39:34.450 why don't you just start going down the list of five things, and I guarantee you one of these 39:34.450 --> 39:38.170 five love languages, you're probably gonna be like, wow, I guess my husband does do a lot for me, 39:38.190 --> 39:43.610 or he does care for me in his own way, or my wife cares about me in her own way, 39:43.790 --> 39:48.350 and that way instead of going through life, just saying, oh, my wife is just so super 39:48.350 --> 39:54.510 ice cold, and oh, my husband is just such a cold fish, and my wife is just such a cold fish, 39:54.930 --> 40:00.130 oh, my parents are just so cold, and oh, my siblings, instead of just going through life 40:00.130 --> 40:05.050 whining, you know, if you stopped and recognized, you could actually, you know, feel the love 40:05.050 --> 40:11.850 that's there, and receive the love, and again, we should obviously be more focused on loving 40:11.850 --> 40:16.730 the being loved, but obviously we're human, and all of us as humans, you know, we need to 40:16.730 --> 40:22.350 feel some love, and so because we need to feel love, you know, we can't control other people. 40:23.850 --> 40:28.930 I can't give you some tip of how to control your husband or how to control your wife or 40:28.930 --> 40:34.690 control people, so at the end of the day, what you can do to improve your emotional well-being 40:34.690 --> 40:39.410 and improve your life is just start recognizing the love that's there, right, because you 40:39.410 --> 40:42.690 can't control your wife, but maybe you can just start seeing the things that your wife 40:42.690 --> 40:46.230 does and appreciating and being thankful, and what does the Bible talk a lot about 40:46.230 --> 40:52.290 being thankful, being grateful, and everything give thanks for this is the will of God and 40:52.290 --> 40:56.410 Christ Jesus concerning you. Same thing with God, we might feel like, oh, God doesn't really 40:56.410 --> 40:59.990 love me because he didn't give me what I wanted, but it's like, what about all the ways that 40:59.990 --> 41:04.430 God did love you? What about all the things that God did do for you? And then you focus 41:04.430 --> 41:09.110 on the things that God did, greater love, have no man than this, then the man lay down his 41:09.110 --> 41:16.350 life for his friends. I mean, Jesus died for us. That's love. He gave. Jesus also, you know, 41:16.410 --> 41:20.230 has done a lot for us in our lives, and we have a lot of blessings if we would stop and 41:20.230 --> 41:24.990 count them. And it's the same thing with human relationships if we would stop and be 41:24.990 --> 41:30.330 thankful and be grateful, because I don't care how bad your spouse is, somebody else 41:30.330 --> 41:35.690 has a worse spouse. You know what I mean? Like you think your wife's a monster, 41:35.690 --> 41:40.950 there's some woman out there that's worse. You think your husband's the worst guy ever, 41:41.310 --> 41:45.210 there's somebody who's worse. Everybody's got it worse. And you know, so why don't you just 41:45.210 --> 41:51.010 focus on the good things, be grateful, be thankful and realize, hey, maybe my husband's 41:51.010 --> 41:56.730 not very fluent when it comes to his words and showing affirmation that way. Maybe he's not 41:56.730 --> 42:01.490 a gift giver. Maybe he just doesn't really give me gifts and he's just bad, but what about 42:01.490 --> 42:05.870 the things he does do? He's coming up and giving you a hug every day or whatever. Hey, 42:05.890 --> 42:10.190 what about that? You know, what about the fact that he's doing acts of service around the house 42:10.190 --> 42:16.170 or whatever? And again, ideally, we would all just be running on all five cylinders all the time, 42:16.250 --> 42:23.950 but life just isn't that perfect, is it? So you should try to be putting out on all five 42:23.950 --> 42:28.110 cylinders, but you know what? You should be ready to receive on one channel, 42:29.070 --> 42:34.490 you know? And you should just be kind of rescue breathing with what you got and getting by on what 42:34.490 --> 42:39.150 you got, okay? Look at Proverbs chapter five because, you know, we want our marriage to last 42:39.150 --> 42:45.430 for our entire life, you know? In fact, it's not just that we want, it's commanded by God. 42:46.050 --> 42:50.870 It's demanded by God. We're in it to win it. And so what does the Bible say in Proverbs 42:50.870 --> 42:58.150 515? It says, Drink waters out of thine own cistern. You know, and of course, a cistern is like a 42:58.150 --> 43:04.630 reservoir of drinking water and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed 43:04.630 --> 43:09.390 abroad and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own and not strangers with 43:09.390 --> 43:14.730 thee. Let thy fountain be blessed and watch this rejoice with the wife of thy youth. And what 43:14.730 --> 43:20.510 does that mean? The wife of thy youth. It has to do with the fact that you married her when 43:20.510 --> 43:25.610 you were young and now you're older and you're still married to her. And you're still enjoying it. 43:26.450 --> 43:30.010 So you've been, you know, because in order to have a wife of your youth, you have to be older 43:30.610 --> 43:35.170 because otherwise you're in it. This is like, no, no, you're older, but you're still rejoicing in 43:35.170 --> 43:39.810 the wife of your youth, meaning 10 years later, 20 years later, 30 years later. Not 43:39.810 --> 43:43.590 only are you still married, you're still glad that you're married. You're still enjoying 43:43.590 --> 43:48.290 the marriage. You're still drinking out of that well. You're still rejoicing in the wife 43:48.290 --> 43:53.190 of your youth. And you know what's funny is that somebody was, you know, criticizing, you're not 43:53.190 --> 43:59.190 going to believe this, but somebody was criticizing me. And they put me on this graphic with these 43:59.190 --> 44:04.430 three other pastors, like making fun of me. But here's what's funny. All the three other 44:04.430 --> 44:09.810 pastors that they were trying to lump me in with are all divorced. They're all divorced. 44:10.030 --> 44:14.410 I'm over here rejoicing with the wife of my youth. You know, I've been married 44:14.410 --> 44:19.910 for 26 years and my marriage is not even on the rocks. My marriage is doing great. My marriage 44:19.910 --> 44:23.970 is doing better than ever. My wife and I love each other and have an awesome time together. 44:24.270 --> 44:27.730 And it's like you're going to lump me in with people who've already crashed and burned and 44:27.730 --> 44:33.490 failed. I'm sorry, but I'm beating the odds over here. And by the way, my wife's parents are 44:33.490 --> 44:37.810 divorced and my parents are divorced. You know, statistically that puts us having a huge 44:37.810 --> 44:43.390 chance of getting divorced when both of our parents are divorced. You know, and at the end of the 44:43.390 --> 44:48.930 day, we've beaten the odds and we have an awesome marriage. We're getting along great and I'm rejoicing 44:48.930 --> 44:54.170 with the wife of my youth. You know, you can't really put that in the same breath as some guy 44:54.170 --> 45:00.550 who's fluttering the secretary or some guy who's over here on his third wife or what, you know 45:00.550 --> 45:04.450 what I mean? Give me a break. And look, if you're divorced, I'm not mad at you. I'm not 45:04.450 --> 45:09.230 criticizing you because what's the past is the past for getting those things that are behind, 45:09.230 --> 45:15.570 reaching forth under those things we've served before. But I'm sorry, staying married is success. 45:16.370 --> 45:22.050 Getting divorced is failure. That's what the Bible teaches. That's the standard. Obviously, 45:22.150 --> 45:25.890 people are going to screw up, make mistakes, things are going to go bad. I'm not beating 45:25.890 --> 45:31.330 you up about your past. But we need to look at marriage as, hey, this is God's will 45:31.330 --> 45:35.850 that we make it all the way to the finish line. You know, and then we do that. But 45:35.850 --> 45:40.490 here's the thing. I don't want to just make it to the finish line. I want to enjoy the journey. 45:41.510 --> 45:45.610 You know, and I think about, you know, I used to do a lot of long distance running 45:45.610 --> 45:51.430 these days. I'm not in that kind of shape, unfortunately. But back in 2023, I was doing 45:51.430 --> 45:55.470 a bunch of marathons and ultra marathons and things like that. And here's the thing, 45:55.750 --> 45:59.370 you know, there were there were some races that I finished, but it wasn't very fun. 46:00.290 --> 46:05.510 And then the next day, I was hurting so bad. I was just like, this is the stupidest sport 46:05.510 --> 46:11.670 ever. This is dumb. I need to find a new hobby. Why do I do this? Why am I torturing myself? 46:12.010 --> 46:16.850 Right? But I still finished it. But look, none of us wants to go through marriage 46:16.850 --> 46:20.470 like that or life like that. None of us wants to go through the Christian life just 46:20.950 --> 46:26.170 gritting it out. Now look, if that's what it turns into, I will grid it out. Amen. 46:27.050 --> 46:32.110 I will grind it out and I will hate every minute of it and still make it to the finish line. 46:32.110 --> 46:38.130 But none of us wants to be there. We want to have a good life. We want to have a good marriage, 46:38.230 --> 46:44.950 want to enjoy our lives and enjoy friendships and enjoy marriage and enjoy church, right? 46:45.110 --> 46:50.390 We want to enjoy the journey. I don't want to just be still married to the wife of my youth. 46:50.530 --> 46:55.990 I want to rejoice with the wife of my youth. And it says here in verse number 19, 46:55.990 --> 47:02.810 let her be as the loving hind and pleasant row. Let her breast satisfy thee at all times 47:02.810 --> 47:10.270 and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange 47:10.270 --> 47:15.950 woman and embrace the bosom of a stranger? So yeah, you don't want to stay married, 47:16.010 --> 47:21.130 but we also want to try to have that white, hot, passionate, ravishing kind of love. 47:21.130 --> 47:27.970 But realistically, that's going to be something that we enjoy at times and other times not so much. 47:28.350 --> 47:33.530 And again, let's go back to having kids, since that's when you start playing on difficult mode, 47:33.950 --> 47:39.010 is that guess what? When women have kids, there's going to be some ups and downs there physically 47:39.010 --> 47:44.350 as they get, you know, I'm not saying they're going to go full clancy, but obviously, you know, 47:44.410 --> 47:48.730 when you're sitting there and going through the hormonal upheaval of pregnancy and 47:49.190 --> 47:52.450 postpartum and breastfeeding, you know, that's going to affect your relationships. 47:52.730 --> 47:58.390 That's going to make things difficult. You know, obviously, when your wife just had a baby, you 47:58.390 --> 48:03.170 know, she's out of commission when it comes to the bedroom, you know, and the Bible talks about 48:03.170 --> 48:06.770 this. Obviously, if your wife just had a baby, she's out of commission. The Bible talks about 48:06.770 --> 48:11.470 how she's, you know, unclean quote unquote for a while because she's bleeding and obviously 48:11.470 --> 48:16.810 she's got to heal and recover. I mean, giving birth is, you know, it's almost as bad as 48:16.810 --> 48:23.110 like a man having a cold or something, but it's obviously painful. It's strenuous on the body. 48:23.490 --> 48:28.210 It's ravaging to the human body. I mean, women are like coming almost to the point of death to 48:28.210 --> 48:33.750 give birth, risking their lives in many ways throughout history to give birth. And so it's 48:33.750 --> 48:40.050 super painful. It's just devastating to their bodies. And then there's going to be months 48:40.050 --> 48:44.230 of recovery. So, you know, you're not just going to, oh yeah, we just have this white, 48:44.230 --> 48:48.090 hot, passionate, what it's like, dream on, buddy, when your wife just had a baby, 48:48.590 --> 48:52.130 you're going to have to abstain for a while. You know, you're going to have to take a cold 48:52.130 --> 48:58.910 shower there, buddy. Okay. And, and obviously, and then even once, well, even once she's back 48:58.910 --> 49:05.290 in commission on paper, obviously there are going to be times when desire ebbs and flows 49:05.290 --> 49:11.390 with the hormones of pregnancy and breastfeeding and postpartum, all these different phases, 49:11.390 --> 49:15.270 there are going to be some times when it's when it's feast and there are going to be some times 49:15.270 --> 49:21.790 when it's famine. And this is what you have to be ready for in marriage is the feast and the famine. 49:22.030 --> 49:26.110 You got to be willing to go through and you know what's going to get you through those times 49:26.110 --> 49:31.310 when it's lean, you got to get through those times with the friendship, the loyalty, 49:31.930 --> 49:35.710 the onusiferous kind of a guy is going to be able to get through those times. 49:36.010 --> 49:40.230 The wife and look, obviously, men aren't dealing with the same hormonal struggles 49:40.230 --> 49:43.770 that women are, but here's the thing, men are going to have their low points too. 49:44.370 --> 49:50.170 I'm sure if a dude loses his job or has some kind of a professional setback, he's going to be difficult 49:50.170 --> 49:54.810 to deal with, difficult to get along with, or maybe he gets super out of shape or something 49:54.810 --> 49:59.770 and now all of a sudden he's not that jazzed about the bedroom or whatever because he's, 49:59.790 --> 50:03.070 you know, just a soy boy or whatever because he's just been eating too many 50:03.070 --> 50:08.370 Twinkies, you know, it's just, that's his life. People are going to go through ups and 50:08.370 --> 50:11.350 downs. Men are going to have ups and downs. Women are going to have ups and downs. 50:11.550 --> 50:17.290 And you know what? You've got to have a solid foundation to your men. How about a three-fold 50:17.290 --> 50:24.110 cord of family type love of, hey, we've been through this. We're family. We're bone of my 50:24.110 --> 50:31.390 bone flesh on my flesh. We've been doing this for decades. How about friendship? How about 50:31.950 --> 50:37.030 romance? But how about all five love languages? How about we just get a lot of 50:37.030 --> 50:42.850 irons in the fire here because what's the title of sermon? Varieties of love, varieties of love. 50:42.910 --> 50:48.810 Don't put all your eggs in one basket. If your relationship is only based on one thing, 50:49.230 --> 50:53.590 well, what happens when that one thing's gone? Some people's whole relationship is based on 50:53.590 --> 50:58.350 their kids and then their kids move out of the house and then it's like, now we don't have 50:58.350 --> 51:02.710 a relationship and then they get divorced right after their kids move out because they're like 51:02.710 --> 51:07.490 the kids are the only thing that kept them going. No, you need to have more going for you than that. 51:10.290 --> 51:17.690 And lastly, I want to say this. True friends are rare. Having a really good meaningful friendship 51:18.310 --> 51:23.570 is rare and a lot of teenagers are frustrated with their social lives because they don't have 51:23.570 --> 51:28.030 these really deep meaningful friendships. What they don't understand is that when we grew up 51:28.030 --> 51:32.410 going to school, elementary school, junior high, high school, it might have seemed like we had 51:32.410 --> 51:37.710 a lot of friends because we're, hey, how are you doing? But at the end of the day, most of those 51:37.710 --> 51:43.230 relationships are super shallow and don't endure. And you're kind of just superficially going 51:43.230 --> 51:49.630 through the motions to actually have a real deep meaningful relationship with a friend, 51:49.770 --> 51:54.310 whether this is a man having a really good male friend or a woman having a really good 51:54.310 --> 51:59.250 female friend or just a really great marriage where you've got a deep friendship. 51:59.250 --> 52:06.150 These relationships tend to be rare in life, and so you should be loyal to your friends. Be loyal 52:06.150 --> 52:11.930 to your friends. Cherish those friendships. Don't despise those friendships. Realize how important 52:11.930 --> 52:15.910 they are. Realize how valuable they are and treat your friends well. I'm going to leave you with 52:15.910 --> 52:22.690 this final verse. Thine own friend and thy father's friend forsake not. This is what the Bible 52:22.690 --> 52:26.870 says. Thine own friend and thy father's friend forsake not. Neither go into thy brother's 52:26.870 --> 52:32.190 house in the day of thy calamity. For better is a neighbor that is near than a brother far off. 52:32.350 --> 52:37.250 You see, sometimes family are going to end up being far away geographically. Sometimes they're 52:37.250 --> 52:42.030 going to be far away spiritually. Sometimes they're going to be far away emotionally. But you know 52:42.030 --> 52:47.330 what? You need friends. And if you want to have friends, you've got to be a friend 52:47.330 --> 52:52.370 because a man that had friends must show himself friendly. And so you need to take 52:52.370 --> 52:56.350 friendships seriously. Be loyal. And you know what? Sometimes friendships are going to cost you 52:56.350 --> 53:03.250 something. Trust me, it's worth it. If you have a real one as your friend, then you don't want to just 53:03.250 --> 53:09.470 be ready to just be like, nah, I'll walk away. Not popular. And you know what? I had a really 53:09.470 --> 53:19.090 close friend ditch me back in 2024. You know, I had a really close friend that I've been 53:19.090 --> 53:25.070 totally just ditched me, discarded me in 2024. And you know what? I always think of, 53:25.890 --> 53:30.370 is I always think of that meme. When I think about this friend, I always think about this meme. 53:30.970 --> 53:36.010 I would have gone with you to the end, you know? And I'm not a Lord of the Rings fan at all. 53:36.590 --> 53:40.590 I don't even think I finished the movie. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. But sorry, 53:41.350 --> 53:48.770 dweebs out there. But anyway, I don't want to hurt your feelings. But who knows what I'm 53:48.770 --> 53:55.830 going to hurt people. But you know, he says, I would have gone with you all the way to the end. 53:56.130 --> 54:03.510 And you know what? That's how I think about how stupid this friend was for basically discarding 54:03.510 --> 54:07.350 his best friend. I mean, we're best friends for decades. He discards his best friend 54:07.910 --> 54:15.750 over something stupid, right? And how did he end up crashing and burning? But I always 54:15.750 --> 54:19.630 just thought about the fact at the time. And I thought about afterward, I was just like, you know 54:19.630 --> 54:26.610 what? I would have gone with you to the end. I would have been your loyal friend for the rest 54:26.610 --> 54:31.490 of your life. I would have been your friend for decades and decades and decades. You could have 54:31.490 --> 54:39.810 always relied on me. I would have always been there for you for 30, 40, 50, 60 years. But 54:39.810 --> 54:45.850 just for a little bit of momentary advantage of, oh, things are going against Pastor Anderson, 54:46.570 --> 54:52.030 just ready to ditch him, throw him under the bus. Yeah, we're not winning. So Pastor Anderson's not 54:52.030 --> 54:58.470 winning. Pastor Anderson's got the chain. And how stupid is it to throw away a friend who 54:58.470 --> 55:02.730 would have been loyally there for you for decades? And then when he needed a friend, I 55:02.730 --> 55:08.410 wasn't there. Because a man that had friends must show himself friendly. You know, I wish he 55:08.410 --> 55:13.910 could have come to me before he got into whatever grievous sin he got into. Of course, we don't 55:13.910 --> 55:19.150 know what it was. Whatever grievous sin he got into that destroyed his ministry and life, you know, 55:19.230 --> 55:24.190 I wish that he could have come to me before it got to that point where it was too late, 55:24.770 --> 55:28.850 where it was so grievous that he had to just resign and disgrace and all these things. 55:29.170 --> 55:38.390 You know what? He could have come to me before that when it was a small thing. Because 55:38.390 --> 55:42.570 I'd always been there for him for decades. I was always going to be there for him. 55:42.630 --> 55:47.610 I would have gone with him to the end. But, you know what? He didn't value the friendship. 55:48.150 --> 55:54.090 It's a shame. Don't make that mistake, friend. You know, if you have people in your life 55:54.690 --> 56:02.010 that are real friends, you've got to be there for them when they need you. Because then they'll 56:02.010 --> 56:07.290 be there for you when you need them. Life is a two-way street. And if you're constantly, 56:07.750 --> 56:11.810 you know, putting in a deposit, putting in a deposit, putting in a deposit, and then you 56:11.810 --> 56:17.070 go to make a withdrawal and your card's declined, you know, you're probably going to walk away from 56:17.070 --> 56:25.010 that friendship, aren't you? And so it's pretty sad when people don't understand the value of a real, 56:25.090 --> 56:29.650 true, loyal, lifelong friend, and they will throw that person on the bus. It's not worth it, 56:29.670 --> 56:34.570 my friend. You know, be an onusiferous. And especially when it comes to your marriage, 56:34.570 --> 56:39.830 obviously, you know, you've got to be loyal to your spouse. And you've got to get through, 56:39.970 --> 56:43.970 and look, yeah, weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. 56:45.170 --> 56:52.410 And everybody can find a reason and an excuse about their marriage. But I'd rather look for 56:52.410 --> 56:57.450 reasons to stay married, you know, and when it comes to my friends, you know, I want to be 56:57.450 --> 57:02.670 a good friend and I want to be there for people when they need me. And then I know that 57:02.670 --> 57:06.250 someday I'm going to need them, and then they're going to be there for me. That's the way friendship 57:06.250 --> 57:11.770 is supposed to work. And so there's a lot of love that the Bible talks about. There's a lot of love 57:11.770 --> 57:15.890 that we experience in this world, and it's not all the same love. So we need to broaden our 57:15.890 --> 57:20.910 minds a little bit about what love means to where we're showing love in a lot of different 57:20.910 --> 57:26.130 ways, receiving love in a lot of different ways, and where we have a complex relationship 57:26.130 --> 57:30.810 with our spouse that's not just based on one thing, right, so that we can actually 57:30.810 --> 57:34.970 have a love that's going to endure because it's a three-fold chord. Let's pray. I'd say 57:34.970 --> 57:39.790 on board a prayer. Father, we thank you so much for your word, Lord. Thank you for loving us, 57:39.930 --> 57:47.030 Lord, and for doing so much to show us that you love us both with your word and with your deeds 57:47.450 --> 57:50.610 and the great acts that you've done toward us and the gifts that you've given us 57:50.610 --> 57:54.770 and all the wonderful things that you bestowed upon us. Help us to recognize it 57:54.770 --> 57:59.110 from you. Help us to recognize it from others. And Lord God, I pray that you just 57:59.110 --> 58:03.230 strengthen not only the marriages in our church, but also just strengthen the friendships 58:03.910 --> 58:08.870 and strengthen other family relationships. And Lord, help everything that we do to honor and 58:08.870 --> 58:10.630 glorify you. And in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.